When Beyonce Knowles released her album titled B’Day, she didn’t intend any association with the bathroom appliance. She told BBC Radio, «When I came up with the title, I wasn’t thinking about a bidet. And if I had, I would have probably named it birthday or just B.» Although the two words may sound similar, there are some pretty definite distinctions between a bidet and a b-day.
1. Bathroom associations. While twenty-one year olds may have some familiarity with a porcelain appliance, most birthdays are held in plain sight and a public setting, while bidets find their home behind closed doors.
2. Necessary nudity. Use of a bidet may require some level of disrobing, but not to the level normally associated with the term «birthday suit.» While birthdays can be spent stark naked or impeccably dressed, a bidet requires a strategically placed lack of attire.
3. Frequency. Birthdays are generally celebrated once a year, or in the case of younger children in halves or quarters, but nowhere near as often as one should be using a bidet.
4. Level of celebration. Birthdays are often announced with invitations, balloons, presents and candle-topped cakes. While a select few may take a certain level of pride in their bowel movements, most bidet users follow a more subdued approach to their celebrations.
5. Limited conversation. Admittedly, there can be some level of secrecy around both subjects, especially when birthdays start to approach the later years, but bidets may take the cake in this category. And certainly, the element of surprise is much more appropriate for a birthday than a bidet …
All kidding aside, a birthday may be a more common term in the United States, but a bidet is becoming increasingly recognizable. You may want to start learning the features of this appliance, if only for the incredible possibility of puns.